Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
