my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
