Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
