I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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