we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
