You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
