Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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