I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
