she woke up with a sticky ear
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
