I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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