just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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