if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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