hotel room ftw
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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