if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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