we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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