I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
