Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
