no, he came in my armpit
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.