okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days