I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Two words: blizzard sex