yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
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If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night