Texts From Last Night

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  (561): View more from Florida

  So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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  (561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8
  Replies (44) Good night (7694) Bad night (1258)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."

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  (407): Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything." http://tfl.nu/1ue8
  Replies (35) Good night (17532) Bad night (1095)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.

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  (919): Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt. http://tfl.nu/oq6j
  Replies (38) Good night (4979) Bad night (897)
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  (631): View more from New York

  being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.

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  (631): being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic. http://tfl.nu/sgbo
  Replies (11) Good night (4458) Bad night (1019)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night

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  (305): nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night http://tfl.nu/tom4
  Replies (25) Good night (3988) Bad night (1882)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.

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  (586): My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage. http://tfl.nu/u2i7
  Replies (5) Good night (2672) Bad night (663)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"

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  (541): So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that" http://tfl.nu/ex2y
  Replies (12) Good night (2630) Bad night (1046)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.

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  (719): Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs. http://tfl.nu/ixry
  Replies (3) Good night (1636) Bad night (575)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life

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  (917): No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life http://tfl.nu/p0nl
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (944)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late

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  (775): This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late http://tfl.nu/ovyj
  Replies (2) Good night (715) Bad night (417)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.

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  (304): We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/lf7j
  Replies (7) Good night (740) Bad night (441)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive

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  (775): I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive http://tfl.nu/xzuf
  Replies (0) Good night (370) Bad night (614)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"

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  (630): Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?" http://tfl.nu/11ab
  Replies (39) Good night (497) Bad night (1310)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh

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  (773): Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night (773): Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh http://tfl.nu/i0ie
  Replies (2) Good night (352) Bad night (522)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.

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  (860): There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane. http://tfl.nu/q1cx
  Replies (1) Good night (271) Bad night (645)

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