I just pynch a tree in the face
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...