I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
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I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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