I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky