Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
