i need an iv and a liver transplant
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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