Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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