anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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