It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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