drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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