People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
