Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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