i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
