his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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