flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Actions speak louder than pants.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
