You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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