Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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