know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
