I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just want nice things and good sex
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The Olympian is in my bed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
