Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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