so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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