I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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