hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
