i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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