I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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