Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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