so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
