the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
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Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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