I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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