First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
