she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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