He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
