The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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