I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
