I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
