After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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