My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
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When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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