just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
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I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
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Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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