We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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