I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
