I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
