Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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