I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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