so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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